Thursday, July 12, 2012

The Things My Husband Just Doesn't Understand


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It all started with my bra. Now my bras are not particularly large. They are not made of satin, or silk, or lace. They do however contain underwire to restrict my post-baby breasts to the chest area, and up away from my tummy, as they should be. But as I went through the back breaking process of removing my bra’s from the washer and hanging them on the rack to dry the other day, it dawned on me. This is something that my husband just doesn’t get. Ask most women and they will tell you that you have to hang a bra to dry or you take the chance that it will get tangled, ripped or otherwise damaged if run through the dryer. If you asked my husband (or any man for that matter) why I’m hanging my bras he would probably say “Because women’s clothes are stupid.” In that respect, he would be right, but explaining the why of this would be pointless since as soon as the word “bra” comes out of my mouth his eyes glaze over and he starts running through the theme song from “Suits” in his head. 

This got me thinking about the other things my husband just doesn’t get so I thought I would make a list. 

      The top 10 things my husband just doesn’t understand: 

10.My need to suck in my stomach when he sees me naked.
9.    That going shopping with my friends is a social activity.
8.    Why I get angry when he asks for the one thing I forgot at the grocery store.
7.    That chocolate is one of the six food groups and therefore essential for my (and his)  survival. 
6.    Shirts don’t stink, people stink. Take a bath.
5.    Why I get so irritated when he leaves his dirty socks on the couch, floor, bed, nightstand, stairs, counter, or a foot away from the laundry basket.
4.   Starting the dishwasher is an essential part of the dish-washing process.
3.    Why I get pissed off when he complains about how he's too skinny.
2.    If I ask him if he likes an outfit, hair-do, wall color or any sort of decorative item for the house, the appropriate response is always “Yes.”

And the number one thing my husband simply doesn’t understand...

          1. How I always forget to eat lunch and still gain weight.
              (Oh, wait. That was me. Crap!)

So now that this is officially a bitch session, I want to hear from you. What are some of the things your man just doesn't understand? 

FYI: Man-ripping and dirty secrets are always welcome.  


**I'd like to give special thanks to my hubby for reading this and laughing instead of divorcing me. I love you, babe!**

49 comments:

  1. Great post! My husband just doesn't get that everything in this house has a home or place where it should be placed. He leaves stuff all over the house and it bugs me!! If you put things back where they belong not only can you find it the next time you need it BUT it will also keep the house clutter free!

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    1. Ha! I can't complain about that because I am a total slob. What I can complain about is that he still doesn't know where things go in the kitchen cabinets after 7 years. :)

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  2. OMG! Yes! The shirt thing. Why do they ALWAYS blame it on the shirt!? Answer: Because then it becomes an indictment on your laundering skills instead of their smelly selves.

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  3. For #2, your husband did the right thing. All men know that there is no "right" answer to the "how do(es) I/object look?" question; it's a trap. There is only the answer that will lead to the least amount of anger, hurt feelings and gnashing of teeth.

    Take the following scenarios:

    - You model a questionable mauve and gold polka dot print dress for your husband.

    - You come home with a new hair-do that looks as if Cindi Lauper inspired it.

    - You show a new household object that you have put careful consideration into before purchasing.

    The ONLY correct response is to answer in the affirmative*. In every case. Every time. No exceptions. To answer otherwise is issue an open invitation for conflict which the man will have to spend time and energy on and will never win.

    * Reference: Manly man's guide to being a man Vol IV pgs 234-237 (1852)

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    1. Well said! The problem is that he thinks he's helping. I try to tell him that I'm not looking for his opinion, I'm looking for affirmation, but then I just get the dear in the headlights thing again.

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  4. My husband doesn't understand how to put dirty dishes into the dishwasher-- he lays them in the sink or on the counter and says he "never puts them in the right place, anyway." Aaaaaahhhh!

    Funny post! I enjoy your sense of humor. :)

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    1. Thanks!
      I think they're full of it, personally. It's the Raymond syndrome - if you ever watched "Everybody loves Raymond." He would purposely screw up house work so his wife wouldn't make him do it anymore. I think guys do that a lot more than they let on. It's like a lazy male conspiracy.

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  5. Thank you for stopping by www.DailyMesses.com and following! Following back :)

    Hmmm...my pet peeves are leaving his soda cans or cups everywhere. My all time biggest annoyance is "What did you do today?" (you'll have to add in the tone)!

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    1. Ha! Oh my god! Yes! He just doesn't understand why I get upset when he asks me that. It's all about the tone.

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  6. Wow I can totally relate to a couple of these! Grrr! It literally took me three whole months to get my guy to understand that I put his coat in the coat closet.. shocking I know.. why would it go in there??

    Everyday before he went to work.. "Honey, where's my coat?"

    Me "In the COAT CLOSET"

    Anywho... Thanks so much for the follow. I am following you now too :) Have an excellent weekend!

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    1. To expand on that.

      "Honey, where's my coat?"
      "In the COAT CLOSET"
      "I checked. It's not there!"
      "Let me look for it. Here it is exactly where I said it was in the coat closet!"
      "What sort of strange sorcery is this????"

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    2. Ha! Don't forget the kids. They don't even look in the closet. Love your blog!

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  7. Men! Gotta love em. Popped in on the blog hop. Give me a visit some time at thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. Cool site. I wanted to follow but I didn't see where.

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  8. Hi Courtney, This post is hilarious - I have a super-skinny husband too. It's totally irritating. My big pet peeve is when, after the kids go to bed, I get myself a little snack asking him if he wants anything ("no thanks"), appropriately portioned for myself and when I sit down, he asks "Can I have some?" Grrr...

    I'm visiting from the Hop and I'm followin you on GFC!

    Just wanted to leave you a quick word to make sure you've seen our Summer Reading Weekly Book Giveaway. We are giving away free children's books all summer long and the giveaways are open internationally. Week #2 is ON! Thanks so much and have a great week. Cheers, Renee

    http://motherdaughterbookreviews.com/summer-reading-weekly-book-giveaways-week-2/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I wouldn't mind so much if his "small" bite wasn't equal to my "gigantic" one.

      I really like your blog! I would love to do some guest reviews with my kids. I love children's books!!!

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    2. LOL - too funny! I'd love for you to come do a guest review. We could do a feature on you and your website alongside a review! If you are interested, contact me via the Mother Daughter Book Reviews website. :)

      Delete
  9. Hi, I'm anew reader coming via the Aloha Bloghop!! This is such a great list and soooooo true!!! I'm definitely a follower now!!!

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    1. Thanks so much! I followed you back. :)

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  10. My husband doesn't do very well with the dressing himself category. I've made him a section in polyvore with all the things resembling his own closet contents and more or less made paperdolls for boys.


    Oh, and I'm now following along from the hop. I hope you'll follow back at dragonflies-at-dawn.blogspot.com

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    1. I often wonder how they ever survived with out us. Cool blog. 'm following you now too. :)

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  11. hi. i am following the friday blog hop. i would love for you to visit my blog and follow too.
    http://www.blackinkpaperie.blogspot.com

    thanks
    new follower bev

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  12. Ah husbands! Who needs them? Just kidding.

    Greetings! I'm doing my hopping (from the TGIF BLOG HOP) and just hopped on yours - I'm a new follower now and hope you will follow me back. Have a great weekend.

    http://vintageboomer.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks for following. I followed your blog too.

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  13. Haha! I relate with all of these...mostly number 5!

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    1. My son does it too so it is definitely some miss-wiring in the Y chromosome!

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  14. I can relate to the socks thing. He does the same thing! What gets me is the process of washing dishes is also cleaning the table, counters and stove. He considers that cleaning the kitchen not the dishes so when he DOES do the dishes he does not wipe down anything else.

    Great post! New follower via the blog hop.

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    1. Thanks so much! Followed you back. :)

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  15. Great post! Thank you for following by blog. I am following you back...My husband doesn't understand my need to wear impractical shoes, particularly when I complain about my painful feet. I don't even wear heels very often, but I love cute flats that have no support. I suppose he IS being logical, but I always say I'm too young to wear practical shoes.
    Laura from www.strollerparkingonly.com

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    1. Thanks, Laura. Men are way too practical. Give me a cute sandal over a sneaker any day. :) Btw, I have to say, once again, that your post about what goes on in a baby's head was sooo hysterical! Glad you followed.

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  16. Oh my god!!! I feel like I know you so well just from this post... All those things on your list are on my list!!! My #1 would be "My man doesn't understand the concept of 'cleaning as you go'" -- I was blessed to find a guy who loves to cook, which means that responsibility gets shared. Unfortunately, he has a nasty habit of using EVERY pot and pan and utensil and dish we have......... And doesn't clean up after himself.

    Thanks for stopping over at my blog!!! I know from my stats I get a lot of hits, but so few comments. I'm so glad to "mert" a reader!! :)

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  17. I love love love this post. Found you on blog hop.
    Dani
    suburbiainterrupted.com

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    1. Thanks! I loved your blog as well!

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  18. Loved this list - LOL! And I'm SOOO with you on laundry being left everywhere. I went so far as to NOT wash it. The kids' laundry too. Whatever didn't make it to the hamper upstairs or down in the laundry room didn't get washed. I wasn't going to have to do extra work because they wouldn't. Nope. LOL - lasted about a week. Now I know why my mom was so frustrated all those years ago....!!! Stopping by from Lovin' the Weekend Blog Hop at Tots and Me! :)

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    1. Yeah. I've tried that with the dishes. It doesn't work. :)

      Thanks for hosting the hop. I followed you but couldn't see where to comment.

      Delete
  19. laundry is always everywhere! I am your newest follower! I cannot wait to read more of your posts and hope that maybe you can return the favor and follow The Preppy Student. I always comment for every comment left on my page and hope to start a friendly relationship with your wonderful blog!

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    1. Thanks so much! I followed you back.:)

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  20. Hey there! I just found your cute blog via the hop and I'm your newest follower! I'd love to have you as my blog friend too and check out a huge giveaway I'm having right now!!

    Hope to see you there! Thanks so much lady!
    Emily

    http://emilymmeyers.blogspot.com/2012/07/chi-bling-giveaway-winner.html

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    1. Wow! You have an amazing blog! Thanks for following. I followed you back. :)

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  21. hahaha- I couldn't agree more with you!
    New follower from the Blog Hop
    -Buffi
    My Wonderfully Dysfunctional Blog

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    1. Thanks so much! I'm enjoying your blog too.

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  22. Hey! I linked this post to my latest Friday post!

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  23. Hahah I so relate to these! Especially the dirty socks one. Once I got so mad, I threw out all my husband's socks. This did not change his habit AT ALL.

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  24. HILARIOUS!!! Thank you for the laugh I can relate to the whole list!

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